Monday, January 19, 2015

For Pape Samba Kane; selected readings from our Mali files!

Dear brother Kane,

I notice where you have been lamenting that "few are objecting or ringing the alarm bells" as Hollande the Conqueror re-colonizes Mali. For your reading enjoyment, and to help restore your faith in humanity...

Hollande the Conqueror earns his spurs  (Jan 2011)

That's the foolishness  emanating from the greatest French philosopher who ever walked the earth, the great BHL, the man who is so great that he is universally recognized just by his initials alone.

Did I mention that the man considers himself great? A "celebrity philosopher," no less.

This is the supposedly liberal humanist philosopher who couldn't get the Nations of Virtue bombing Libya soon enough.

The same humanist who has been bitterly disappointed that those same nations failed to heed his advice to apply the Libya blueprint to Syria.

But in this topsy-turvy world of war-mongering liberals, there is also a voice of reason. In a profound irony it happens to come from the right wing of the political spectrum.

You will remember Dominique de Villepen as the Foreign Minister who spoke against the Iraq war. He is speaking out now against this disasterous course France has embarked on in Africa.

Unfortunately the country at large seems for the moment to be swept with war fever.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Hollande all alone in Mali after Chad Pres declares "mission accomplished"

Francois Hollande, aka "the Conqueror," aka "the Crusader," is finding things getting a little lonely in "Operation Spurs for Hollande."

France's only ally in the ill-advised (well, BHL advised it, so I'm sure at some level it must have been a stroke of genius) Mali adventure has served notice that the Chadians are outta there. Yup, President Idriss Deby may be black, but he's not stupid and he's not consumed with hallucinations of restoring past glory to his nation.

Unlike Hollande and his top military adviser Bernard-Henri Levy.

So now the French are good and stuck...

Look for AFRICOM to ride to the rescue real soon!

Saturday, April 20, 2013

No spurs yet, but a camel for Hollande

The biggest news story out of Mali in the past week was that the grateful dark people have presented Hollande with a new camel.

This is to replace the last camel that the grateful dark people presented to Hollande, which was unfortunately eaten by the (obviously hungry) dark people entrusted with its care.

Dark people will do that.

But where are the spurs?

When Hollande launched this ill-advised adventure, the unctuous imbecile BHL was crowing about Hollande's remake as a man of action. Hollande was "earning his spurs."

That struck me as fatuous nonsense then, and it remains fatuous nonsense.

Hollande's poll numbers at home are plummeting. In Mali they eat his camel. His allies have abandoned him. His stretched-too-thin boots on the African ground keep liberating the same towns over and over again.

And all the while his treasury bleeds red ink.

At least he has a new camel for consolation.

Friday, September 19, 2014

After saving Africa from Africans, Hollande the Conqueror turns gaze on saving Middle East from Arabs

Hollande may be drowning in the polls, but he must be rising in the estimation of the esteemed BHL.

It was BHL after all, the man who saved Libya, who egged on the hapless Hollande in his pursuit of those mythical "spurs." And for Hollande, nothing else matters so long as he has the regard of the great BHL.

But those poll numbers are astonishingly dismal. Hollande has actually had the distinction of being named the worst politician in the world!

That can't possibly be fair... have those pollsters not heard of Stephen Harper? Or Bobby Mugabe?

Nevertheless, it is now estimated that if an election were held in the near future, both Le Pen and Sarkozy would make mincemeat of the hapless Hollande.

Be that as it may, the Conqueror has moved on from his rout of the evil-doers in Africa. Yes, there are still some loose ends to tie up, but by and large, African resources in the CAR and Mali have been made safe for democracy.

Thankfully, that has freed up the resources of the Republic to bring peace and freedom and democracy to Iraq yet again, as if they haven't had enough already.

No doubt Hollande is hoping for a bump in his polling numbers from this bold new venture.

Fat chance.

Does he not realize that there are more Arab immigrants in France than in any other of the Nations of Virtue?

He thinks bombing their homelands will make him more popular?

He really has been suckling at the BHL teat for much too long...

The only news event that has ever bumped Hollande's polling numbers was when he was caught out bumping that actress back in the spring.

Perhaps those invasions between the sheets are what Hollande does best. Forget the spurs, Fran├žois, and for God's sake, stop listening to that imbecile BHL!

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Mali coup leader abandons hunger strike because "tummy hurts"

What else is there to read between the lines of this story?

You will recall that Captain Amadou Sanogo first took power in an accidental coup a couple of years ago. He and a few mates get shit-faced one night and have a drunken whoop-up at their barracks, staggering about firing their machine guns in the air and drunkenly baying for regime change.

The hapless civilian President catches wind of this, figures it's the real thing, and high-tails it for the border.

Next day Sanogo and his pals wake up from their drunken stupour and find out that they've taken over the country! For real!

Against his better judgement, the US-trained Sanogo decided to run with it, at least for a little while. For his troubles he's now been tossed into the brig while the French liberators figure out what to do with him.

Here's a bit of advice for Francios Hollande, who has been desperately casting about for a Mali exit strategy:

Three Point Plan for Mali Exit

  1. Declare Mali a constitutional monarchy.
  2. Declare Captain Sanogo the "King".
  3. Wish him well and get the fuck out of there!
Sounds like a plan to me!

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