Monday, March 17, 2014

The four major food groups

With a title like that, it's obvious that I've come a long way since last week's trip to death's portal. Obviously my appetite is back.

With appetite back it was hard not to notice that the Farm Manager was watching something on the TV about "the four major food groups." I heard "protein" and "dairy" and then I kinda lost track... but it did get me thinking about what the actual real-world four major food groups might be for real people who eat real food.

In no particular order, here's the Falling Downs list of the four major food groups.

Ribs. How can you go wrong with ribs? Even "bad" ribs make for a happy day. And really, what are "bad" ribs? A little over-cooked and a little chewy perhaps, but that's nothing another swig of beer and a little more chewing can't fix. Rib's rock!

Chicken wings. I can't count the number of times I've got up in the morning promising myself I'm turning over a new leaf. Yup, gonna step out and buy me some yoga pants and join a gym. Maybe run 10k after work... go all out and go vegan maybe?!

Sure thing! Then before you know it, I'm heading home, and as I'm driving through Shallow Lake the sign outside Mumma Brown's reminds me it's wing night... and all good intentions go down the shitter just like that, and I find the most delightful hour of my entire life spent with a jumbo wing platter and a pitcher of beer! I'd happily trade every gym membership I've ever had for just one more night at Mumma Brown's with a jumbo wing platter and a pitcher of beer! Maybe even two pitchers? How about two pitchers and two platters?..

Liver 'n onions. OK, I know I just lost a few folks. It's a bit of an acquired taste. Kind of a DP thing to be honest, but goddamn, it's friggin' hard to beat a plate of liver done right with mashed potatoes and sauteed onions... oh shit I just drooled on the keyboard. Excuse me...

Like I was saying, liver done right is a trip to heaven. Liver done not-so-right is like eating your old Kodiak work boots. You gotta be careful, cause there's more places doing it wrong than right these days.

There's folks who want to tell you that liver can't be good for you, because after all, that's the organ that filters all the poisons out of a living organism, ergo, it's gotta be bad for ya.

Bullshit! A good feed of liver once and again actually inoculates you against all that bad stuff! Think of it as a vaccination.

By the way, if you're in the neighbourhood you'll find that Mumma Brown generally has a good handle on the liver too.

And finally, number four on the four major food groups... well that's a tough one. I don't know why the experts insist on limiting themselves to four. Personally I would have stretched that out to ten or twelve at least, but I think if I had to saw it off, number four would be chile.

Damn right; it's pretty hard to beat a good bowl of chile! And the great thing about chile is you can toss a lot of your real healthy shit in there and not even know it! I'm talking carrots, yams, you name it...  Plus it's a good spot to let your less than stellar cuts of beef tender up for awhile.

There you have it. The four major tasty food groups. Ribs, liver, wings, and chile. And while I'm at it, I'd be remiss if I neglected to mention another local who does all of the above to an exquisite level, and that would be my neighbour Bill Lisk.

Bill's got a place over Sauble way, North Sauble actually, and he's got it all nailed down. In fact, he gives Mumma Brown a run for her money; too bad he's a bit out of the way.

His place is called "The Smoking Gun," and his schtick is he's got a smoker out beside the place that looks like a twenty foot long .45 revolver. And he really knows his stuff.

Rumour has it Bill was a biker in one of his past lives. I wouldn't know anything about that, but I think in general bikers get a bad rap. At the same time, just between me and you, most bikers look like they know something about good food, don't they?

Man, am I ever hungry...

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