Last weekend I was over to see my old pal Wilbur Manytroubles. I've been a bit down in the dumps due to the veracity of my various Messiah spottings, or more correctly, their complete lack of such. Usually I rely on my own personal interpretations of the crop circles that appear with some regularity in the back 40 here at Falling Downs.
Over the years I've made quite a number of confident announcements that Bieber/Netanyahu/Moshe Feiglin/Ariel Sharon etc are the Messiah, only to be revealed as someone who is as unreliable in his prognostications as the knobs at Fox News. Shit, I think I even announced that Obama was the Messiah in one particularly delusional moment!
My face was red for months on that one.
But I hadn't seen Wilbur for a spell so I thought I'd mix business with pleasure and get caught up both with his latest news and a fresh perspective on who the Messiah might be.
Wilbur is a semi-retired Shaman with the local First Nation. He really gets it right, most of the time anyway. He predicted the Harper win in '06, both of Obama's wins, and the Red Sox World Series triumph last year.
Wilbur doesn't go in for the crop circles so much. He's more a chicken gizzards kind of guy. So on my way over I stopped at my friend Sue's place and snatched another one of her chickens.
Ain't too much new in Wilbur's world. Him and the Missus are planning a trip out to the new Museum of Human Rights in Winnipeg. Not so much for a visit as for a protest. Seems a few of the native brothers aren't impressed at how their history is reflected in this edifice to virtue. He thinks Canada could do better by the Indians, and I agree with him.
Anyway, we had a pleasant afternoon of it, and about an hour and a half before we sat down to a great feed of roast chicken, Wilbur revealed to me the secrets of Sue's latest purloined Leghorn.
"Is the Messiah among us?" was the query posed to the Mysteries.
M-A-L-A-L-A, the chicken entrails spelled out.
Wilbur looked puzzled. "I don't know man... what does "malala" mean?.. maybe I should try again... ya bring another chicken?"
"Wilbur!" I exclaimed, "that makes perfect sense! That's the teenage girl in Pakistan who was anointed with a Taliban bullet a couple of years ago! God had the Taliban shoot her in the head just so He could show His mercy with a miracle!"
Wilbur didn't seem to buy it, but I knew I had my answer.
Malala is the Messiah!
And the fact that she wins the Nobel Peace Prize a mere four days later just proves it!